I don’t care how old Betty White is. She can put my hot dog in her mouth any day. The sexy senior citizen was on hand to debut her new hot dog at Pink’s in Los Angeles. It’s name: “Betty White’s Naked Buns.” There’s nothing on it: just the hot dog and the bun. So it’s official: she likes it bareback. Yeah, I went there, Betty.
I’m not even sure what to say about Octomom. Actually, I do. She looks like one of those sock monkeys that has gone wrong. Way wrong. Someone should stick a sock up her vag so she can stop reproducing. The good news is that she told Oprah that she doesn’t want to do a reality show, saying “a parent must provide for their kids, not the other way around.” Oh snap! Listen to that bitch sounding reasonable for a second. Too bad she probably was high on Gerber baby food smells. Tomorrow she’ll be hawking her brood around Hollywood again, no doubt.
Charo may be the single scariest woman alive. It’s like somebody decided to make a hand puppet from two cantaloupes, and quite frankly, that’s not an image I need. She frightens me in a deep and meaningful way; so I suppose it’s a bit strange that I love her too. And what’s not to love? She’s gotta be at least 160 years old, and she still pushes those fake ta-tas out like she were just a young twentysomething out on the street. Of course, when Charo was a young twentysomething, there was no such thing as fake boobs. Or electricity, for that matter. Has anyone thought about booking her on Celebrity Apprentice? I’d be down for that.
Would it kill Pamela Anderson to smile? Or is that the most her surgically enhanced face can pull off? I guess she still looks pretty good for her age, but damn, that sexy face is anything but. Makes me wanna strangle myself with one of those Baywatch buoy ropes. I think she’s officially bought the ticket to Cougar Town, and I feel bad for any cub that wanders into her den.
At least Billy Crystal is having a fun time, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he’d had some work done too. He has old man plastic face, which for the record is not a good look. Kind of makes him look like an Asian lesbian. You know, the type that sells pottery out of her garage in Santa Fe. Not to generalize or anything.
Well look at this whoreface. For some reason, Tila Tequila went and did a striptease in some godforsaken place, and I swear to God, my computer now has herpes. I seriously hope there’s a guy somewhere whose only job is to spray Purell wherever this nasty bitch takes a step because we all know that anytime she opens her legs even just an inch, ten thousand crabs and syphilis germs fall from her vag. Continue reading
For a fortysomething bitch, Kelly Bensimon usually looks pretty hot, even if her boobs look like they want to run to opposite ends of the room. But these pics of her with Maria Menounos frolicking on the beach have me all sorts of scared. Her stomach looks like a deflated football. It’s not a good look at all. And let’s not talk about her veiny arms and legs. She looks like one of those centuries old bog people archeologists find in rural Holland. Makes sense since I always assumed she had a chronic case of swamp crotch. I’m literally scared of her now. She will haunt my dreams. On the plus side, if Freddy Krueger is looking for a hot date, I’ve got just the right match for him. They could totally talk about their leathery hides and scare everyone around them. Aw, romance!