I hope the residents of Miami brought their baby wipes to the beach this weekend because our favorite mooks from Jersey Shore hit the surf and sand, and we all know what happens when Snooki gets sand in her vag. Dance party! The group looked tanned up and skin cancer ready as the paps took pics of them galavanting around. Even that bitch Angelina was there, which makes no sense because no one liked her — not even the viewers. Seriously, why would MTV bring that idiot back? Hopefully she’ll get knocked unconscious by a falling coconut and be left for dead on South Beach. Meanwhile, J-WOWW is looking more like J-WRINKLES. Bitch is taking too much sun in her face. She’s gonna look like a cougar and a half in just two years. It’s called sunscreen, bitch! Continue reading
Looks like that big ol’ former-horse-face-turned-whore-Barbie Heidi Montag is in the tabloid headlines again. Thanks to undergoing about thirty-five surgeries in one hour, this dumb bitch needed herself some pain meds, and now rumors are swirling that Blondie McTitsalot is hooked on the drugs. If it’s true, it’s kind of sad. But I don’t know what makes it saddest of all: that the girl is addicted to drugs, or that she may have gotten addicted to drugs to get the media attention. She needs help, and not from that asshole husband of hers. He’s probably the one supplying her with the prescriptions. Isn’t that always the case? First Anna Nicole. Then Britney. Now this ditz.
If the rumors are true, I hope she gets into rehab! And in the meantime, let’s laugh at her stupid alien boobs some more.
Well look at this whoreface. For some reason, Tila Tequila went and did a striptease in some godforsaken place, and I swear to God, my computer now has herpes. I seriously hope there’s a guy somewhere whose only job is to spray Purell wherever this nasty bitch takes a step because we all know that anytime she opens her legs even just an inch, ten thousand crabs and syphilis germs fall from her vag. Continue reading
I gotta hand it to Tila Tequila. I thought she had really maxed out her whore potential, but now that she’s bleached her hair the color of a My Little Pony mane, she’s managed to take her whore ante and raise it two chips. Good for her. I also gotta give her props for donning a pair of little red eyeglasses that I suppose are meant to suggest a bookish charm, but really they only make her look like a slutty porn star. Well, MORE of a slutty porn star. Bitch always looks like she’s ready to ride the banh mi, if you know what I’m saying. I bet she just wants to fling those glasses off, hop over the hotel reception desk, and go down on the pudgy concierge. I think he’s hoping that’s gonna happen to.
And by the way, what a classy establishment Tila has found herself in. The doofus behind the desk can’t even button up his shirt all the way. I guess that’s what happens when you stay at the WHORE SEASONS HOTEL. Oh snap. I totally got her.
SOURCE: Hollywood Tuna
Boobs: 4 (too fake; look like they’re about to burst)
Would Bring Home To Mom? No